We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
