So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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