atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
