I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
