i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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