I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
