I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
