She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
