Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
