Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
ugly people sure do ruin things
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
