Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
