He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
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thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
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That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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