i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
