I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
