Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
