forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
