They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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