Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
