I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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