For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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