I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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