I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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