Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
