if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
