You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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