booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
