a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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