i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I have post one night stand depression
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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