Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
