My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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