Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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