I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
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I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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