so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
