Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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