I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
