oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I've blown a few things in my day
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
