they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Randomize
