Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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