Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize