WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
