Only a mothe r could love this liver
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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