anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
