i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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