I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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