one two three fourrrrnication!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
