hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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