just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
