she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i out mim tonsoeep
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
