Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he quoted the bible to break up with me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
