Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
