i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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