he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
