Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
