I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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