if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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