his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
