i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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