Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My hand turned me down
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
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The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
did i just pee glitter
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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