I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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