Christians are straight up FREAKS
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
