i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
