I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
